Cliffhanger D:<

Why must you end with a cliffhanger urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Okay back to the point, I think the plot is overall good. And I agree with you that the flow is much better compared to The First.

There are still grammar mistakes here and there (why, Derick? Whyyyyyyy!?). And it's a little draggy for me, but other than that I guess its okay :D

Some parts are a bit confusing but I think it's just me. :/ But for the drag parts at certain chapters I just skipped to a few paragraphs later and tried to see if I could follow what the story was about and I could still understand the story D:
You should try trimming your story, see if the flow would be okay if you merged two long paragraphs into one short one.

I still don't see how you can write so much in such a short spam of time even in Poly D: On and off, I took more than 6 months to write a little portion of my fiction, which I'm not even happy with D:

Oh well. I'll be looking forward to your next chapter and I'd probably give you a proper review after I've read the whole thing :D
Cheers manz :D